How dose Meredith feel?
by greysanatomy240
Summary: How Meredith feels the night Addison arrives in Seattle


This is my first FanFic. I love writing, I have been writing storys for a while but never really anything like this. It's very short and sort of goes by the show, just following Merediths POV. but I have a ton of ideas that could be very fun. First wanted to see what people thought of my writing first. I find myself reading MerDer fanfiction now that Derek is gone, it helps to feel the void off his loss. So reviews would be amazing, let me know if I should write some more stories or not. J

 _The sound of the leaves crunching under her feet were all Meredith could hear as she walked out of the hospital. The day had started out great, things with Derek seemed to be falling into place, and she was finally allowing herself to feel loved again… to love again. Derek was something she never thought she'd get to experience, love seemed like such a farfetched idea. She'd always been "dark and twisty" shut off from the world. She threw herself into school, work, and sleeping with random guys to keep herself busy, occupied. Growing up she never felt the love kids usually felt, her mother could really care less about her. She never wanted her, and her father ran out leaving her when she was only 5. She really had nobody on her side, it was up to her to make something of herself to become "extraordinary" as her mom said. Following in the footsteps of her mother wasn't easy, she was always compared to her, to her mother's skills, and thankfully she did inherit some of her mother's skills. So when the time came for medical school she could hold her own. She had her own obstacles but she had walls, she put up walls to keep everyone out. This is why when Derek came into her life, she couldn't let herself trust him, trust what was going on between them._

 _Meredith finally arrived home, putting her car into park she rested her head against the head rest and released a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She couldn't make herself get out of the car, she was humiliated, and embarrassed. She left herself wide open, opened her heart to Derek and it was crushed the second the Long legged Red headed beauty made her appearance. Replying it over and over in her head.. "I'm Addison Shepherd, and you much be the woman screwing my husband." The feeling that overcame her couldn't be put into words, she wanted to scream, throw things and rip Derek's head off at the same time. This whole time…this whole freakin time he was married, he was married and didn't say a word. He made it seem like they were going to be forever, she actually let herself believe him, let her walls down for the first time. And it was thrown in her face._

 _Finally working up the courage she opened her door swinging her legs out and pulling herself to her feet, she put her purse over her shoulder and quickly wiped away the salty tears that have a steady stream down her cheeks, she needed to pull herself together. She closed the door behind her closed the door behind her and locked her jeep before making the walk up the drive way to the front door. The lights were on, she knew someone was home, she wanted nothing more than to go straight to her room and never come out again. She turned the door knob and walked inside the house closing the door behind her, she could hear Izzy baking in the kitchen, she quickly made a b-line for the stairs and climbed the making her way towards the end of the hall and turning into her room quickly closing the door behind her and locked it, she slowly slide down her door sitting on the floor shaking her head… how did she become this girl, the girl she told herself she'd never be. She pulled herself up ripping her jacket off throwing it on the ground. She wanted to break something, she needed to break something. Pacing around her room she noticed one of the pictures she had of her and Derek together, she picked it up looking at it. She gently caressed the picture with her thumb rubbing it over their smiling happy faces as they rode the ferry into town on one of their days off. That was one of the happy memories she had with him. It was spontaneous, he decided they were going to have lunch in the city, take a ferry ride and see the space needle. It was something they both needed a break from work, and all the drama that comes with work._

 _She wiped the tears from her check and shook her head from side to side gently before throwing the picture at the door, she watched the glass shatter and before landing on the ground. Slowly letting out a breath she felt a little better at least for the moment. She walked backwards until she felt the back of her legs touch the bed, and sat down her hands in her lap she leaned over resting her head in them. She wasn't going to break down anymore, she was going to accept what happened and learn from it. There's nothing she can do now, she has to be strong because tomorrow morning she is going to have to face Dr. Shepherd, and the Misses Dr. Shepherd. She laid back down on the bed and looked around the room, her eyes resting on Derek's side of the bed, she pulled his pillow to her wrapping her arms around it. A small smile came to her face breathing in his scent. Falling asleep was fairly easy, something she didn't expect, but crying dose that to a person, she woke up to the sound of her alarm clocking at 5:30, she reached her hand over hitting the snooze button before turning onto her back letting out a soft sigh, the room was still dark, the sun didn't usually come up until 7ish. She pushed the comforter off her and swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood to her feet, letting out a yawn she walked around her bed grabbing her towel off the dresser and heading towards the bathroom. After a nice long hot shower she felt a little better, pulling her hair back she got herself dressed quickly after being yelled out by Izzy "Were going to be late Mer, come on" with a swift knock at the door. After pulling on her flats Meredith grabbed her purse from the floor and her keys from the dresser and opened the door, before making the decent down the stairs she pulled her phone from her purse, hitting the unlock button she rolled her eyes seeing all the missed calls from Derek, he was the last person she wanted to see and talk to. Right now she needed Christina more than anything. She walked down the stairs shoving her phone back into her purse and was met up with Izzy and George standing at the bottom of the stairs, she gave a hint of a smile before proceeding to follow them out the door and towards her jeep. "I can do this" she thought in her head, more to reassure herself than anything. After pulling into the parking lot of the hospital Meredith quickly exited the car alongside with Izzy and George, she was very thankful for the few good friends she made after entering the program here. They made their way into the hospital, onto the elevator and into the intern locker room all without any sight of Derek. A feeling of relief overcame Meredith, maybe today would be as bad as she thought, maybe she could make it through today without breaking down._


End file.
